Continuing to learn this role called Mother

Happy Belated Mother’s Day to my many friends who are Mothers and to everyone who ever had a Mom.   I had a sweet Mother’s Day with 2 of my daughters enjoying a dinner created by my oldest daughter and enjoyed in her home.  I missed seeing my own mother and our middle daughter and grandson on Mother’s Day, but I am thankful for cards that were sent and received, voices that were heard over phones and hearts that were shared.  If I had my way, the ones I love – my family, would   live close by allowing us to enjoy times together often with ease.

Even though my daughters are grown and are out of our home – I am still learning my role as a Mother.   I am continuing to learn this role of mothering grown daughters and taking a lesser position in their lives.  My daughters have grown up into very capable, mature young women who have outgrown their need of a daily dose of Mom.  Lately I have been “complaining” to my husband that they actually believed us when we taught them that the Lord could take them anywhere and use them in His Kingdom work – my complaint is that they actually believed us and are living in just that manner.  There are passing moments when I wish they still needed me like they use to.

Our goal as parents was never to raise our daughters to be dependent upon us.  I am very proud of their many accomplishments in academics, marriages, careers, and most importantly in their response to God’s call in their lives.   But I must admit that I have been taken back a bit, that I still have to learn my role as a Mother to my grown daughters.  It has served to remind me that God always has me in a place of learning to trust Him with what is next – faith walking with Him throughout each day.

I have often said on this blog that Mothering is a bittersweet role – we raise our children to leave us.  And my children have left and as much as I am sad that my active mothering days are over, I have so very much to be  thankful for.

Recently I gave the closing MOPS devotions for this year and I reminded the Moms (and myself)  of these truths…

LIVE IN THE MOMENT…

• Give yourself and your kids time to just be … every moment of every day does not have to accomplish a goal
• Enjoy each stage

 YOU ARE SO LOVED BY YOUR HEAVENLY FATHER …

• Just as your kids cannot do anything to make you love them more, you cannot do anything to make God love you more
• Understanding this has helped me love others, especially my husband more.

 GIVE YOURSELF AND THOSE YOU LOVE GRACE…

• Your husband, your kids are just like you – human, full of themselves, struggling with life’s issues.  Be kind and gracious –

and finally – the words that I am known for in MOPS…

YOUR ARE THE PERFECT MOTHER FOR YOUR CHILDREN!

• As you teach them, they will be teaching you

So my dear daughters – thank you for continuing to teach me how  to mother you as grown young women (thank you for reminding me when I have blown it) and most importantly, thank you for making me a Mom.  It has been (and continues to be) one of the best experiences of my life.

The Women in my life…

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A good article on babysitting tips for families

Today on the Hearts at Home Blog, my daughter, Laryssa wrote the blog post  “How to be the Best Babysitting Family Ever.”  She wrote this article for our MOPS group several years ago.  It is full of good advice for families who use babysitters (and every family with children should leave their children some times for an evening out — it is good for you, your husband, your marriage and your children).

How to be the Best Babysitting Family Ever…. 

Written by Laryssa Nilsen

You’ve found the perfect sitter – these tips will help you keep her!In nearly a decade of babysitting, I have been employed by countless numbers of families. There are families that I enjoy babysitting for and some that I would never babysit for again. But every once in awhile, I have a favorite baby-sitting family – one that makes the whole experience of babysitting enjoyable. For this family – I will bend over backwards to try to accommodate them. When they call, I will make myself available.Read the rest of the article here….http://www.hearts-at-home.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=1390:how-to-be-the-best-babysitting-family-ever&catid=165:mom-tips&Itemid=158

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MOPS Devotions – The Trouble with Holidays

For most families – this is one of the big holidays of the year. It is Halloween with dressing up, candy, parties, photo shoots and overstressed kids (usually high on candy).   Sometimes don’t we wonder why we do this to ourselves – I mean it is supposed to be for our kids right – but somehow we end overwhelmed by all of it. 

Do you remember reading the Berenstain Bear Book Too Much Birthday ?  In case you who did not have the privilege of reading this masterpiece, let me share the story.  Sister Bear is about to turn  6 years old and Papa decides to give her a birthday party she won’t forget – complete with a Merry Go Round, Pony Rides, lots of guests and a big cake.  Sisters Bear seems excited and then loses it at the party because it is actually too much celebration for her.  For some of your children and you too, the upcoming holidays are about to become “Too Much”!

Celebrations are good events created by God Himself.  In the Old Testament, God told His people to celebrate over and over again (at least 67 times in the NIV).  Today, we know some of these Jewish Celebrations – Passover, Hanukkah, Yom Kippur.   God wanted His people to remember and celebrate the amazing things that He has done for His people.

Today, our holidays are very much the same and yet different all at the same time.  Starting on New Year’s Day, we celebrate our annual holidays in our very American, commercialized way – decorating, candy, gifts and parties.   I have been amazed at how much pressure there is on Moms to do something special for each holiday for your kids, your home and your kid’s school.  For those of you who have kids in school – you know that there will be many treat bags full of expensive candy and trinkets – once again, more pressure on you (because who else actually creates all of these bags).

The holidays were created to recognize, remember and honor God’s gift of Redemption in our live.   But what should we do with Holiday Celebrations as Christians and Mothers of young (and even old) children. Here are several suggestions…

• Please make it as SIMPLE as possible (remember how overwhelmed sister bear was when she had too much birthday).  You know your children better than anyone else and what is an appropriate level of celebration for each child.  Some children just love interacting with others – others don’t.  Don’t force your child to do something that they are not comfortable doing.
• Teach your kids the real meaning behind each holiday and make that the focus of each celebration.

 Christmas is all about the birth of Christ – not Santa Claus.    We give gifts because God sent us the ultimate gift.  A great product to use for young children is the Really Woolly Happy Birthday Jesus Project, to view http://www.happybirthdayjesusproject.org/woollykids.php

Easter is all about the gift Christ gave us through His death on the cross. On this day we remember what He did for us –  something we could never do ourselves.  A great product to teach about Easter is the Family Life Resurrection Eggs http://www.familylife.com/site/c.dnJHKLNnFoG/b.4970923/k.AC3F/Resurrection_Eggs.htm

Halloween is the eve of All Saints Day – teach your kids about some of the wonderful Christian people God has used to build His Kingdom.  To learn of available products visit Christian Books and search under Halloween.

Thanksgiving is all about giving thanks to God who gives us all things – He provides everything we need just as He did for the Pilgrims.  Check out Family Life’s resources on Thanksgiving http://www.shopfamilylife.com/thanksgiving-time-to-remember.html

Valentine’s Day is all about love – God originated love – it begins with his overwhelming love for us. Again there are a variety of products on celebrating and showing God’s love, visit Christian Books and search under Valentine’s Day for children.

• Finally as far as how your family celebrates the Holidays… it is not my place to tell you how your family celebrations should look.  There is a great resource titled Creating Family Traditions again found at Christian Books.   Each family’s decision about Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, Halloween etc… needs to be made with your child’s temperament and your family goals in mind.  Pray about it, research what other families are doing, ask questions to families that you desire to model and then make your decision based on what God is calling you to do.  How our family celebrated each holiday, may not be right for your family.  What I can assure you is that God does calls us to celebrate, to remember and to rejoice in what He has done and will do. 

Great is the LORD and most worthy of praise;
       his greatness no one can fathom.

 One generation will commend your works to another;
       they will tell of your mighty acts.

 They will speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty,
       and I will meditate on your wonderful works. ^[b]

 They will tell of the power of your awesome works,
       and I will proclaim your great deeds.

 They will CELEBRATE  your abundant goodness
       and joyfully sing of your righteousness.

Psalm 147:3-7

Please feel free to share the ways your family celebrates the Holidays – we did this at our MOPS Groups and there were some great ideas shared.

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Secure Memories from old Post-it notes

Years ago, when our family was living in a double-wide trailer (a very nice one, I might add) – our oldest daughter, Alycia stuck Post-it® Notes  on the back of Bill and I.  Believe it or not, I still have those Post-it® notes today (okay, I know that it is easy to believe – just look at the name of this blog). 

These Post-it® notes read (written in ink and pencil in the handwriting of a 9-10 year old):

“This is Daddy, he loves Mommy very much.” 

“This is Mommy, she loves Daddy very much.  She is very nice.”

Simple yellow Post-it® notes written with words that I have kept now for over 15 years now.  Notice that my Post-it® has additional words 🙂 — don’t you love that!  But why have I kept these 2 pieces of paper for so long?

Because, the heart of my child (and all children) wanted to be assured that her parent’s love (the root of her family) was secure.  That Dad and Mom really do love each other, are committed to each other and to making the family a safe, loving place.  It is so simple – yet so completely hard as we deal with our own selfishness.

Soon, Alycia will be celebrating another birthday; she has already moved out of our home.  In 2 short months, our middle daughter is getting married and our youngest is heading to college  – our home will be empty of children.  Bill and I will be empty nesters in our home.  I am having a hard time getting my head around what is ahead.  But I know that these simple words remain the same – Alycia, Laryssa and Audrianna’s Dad and Mom still love each other and their home is still secure.

I have no idea if Alycia remembers these old, non-sticky, slightly bent  Post-it® Notes that she stuck on her Daddy and I years ago.  But I know that the messages on these post-it notes are probably the most important messages ever written on these famous brand pieces of paper. 

“This is Daddy, he loves Mommy very much”

“This is Mommy, she loves Daddy very much”

These words really explain, what it is coming down to – just a Daddy and a Mommy together, loving each other after years of raising children.  These words promise security, purpose and the promise that no matter what else happens in life, our  family is a safe, strong, secure place and a place where there is love between a man and a woman. 

Once more, I will put these Post-it®  Notes away and someday,one of my daughters will stumble across them and wonder why I kept them.   But these Post-it® Notes are among my most prized possessions.  Precious pieces of paper are my Mother’s Paycheck  ~  continuing on as a dear memory recognized, recorded and remembered.

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The last written school excuse

Last night was a recognizable moment for me, I signed my last school permission slip and the day before that I wrote my last school excuse.  For 20 years, I have had note paper that has my name on it just for notes that read like this. 

Date

Please excuse (insert child’s name) for (sickness, appointment, travel, or an occasional rest day at home) OR Please note that I will be picking up (child’s name) at (time) for (appointment, travel, or other various reasons) OR Please excuse (child’s name) for being late because of (appointment, sickness, travel or occasionally sleeping in).

Thank you,

Sandra Joseph

Now, I still have paper with my name on it, but I do not have more excuses to write.  Maybe I will write myself an excuse that says…

June 4, 2009

Please excuse this Mother while she experiences both joy and sadness at the end of her daily raising children era.  She may break into tears while laughing at the same time.  There is so much going on in her life right now, that she is not sure if she is going to make it.  If you have her in your site, please extend much grace (she truly needs it).

Thank you,

Sandra Joseph

Once again, I am experiencing that this mothering journey is bittersweet….

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Guest Writer – Sue Heimer on how she is leaving a legacy

Last month at Hearts at Home, my speaker table neighbor was Sue Heimer.  On Friday evening, we had a chance to share our hearts and discovered that we both are called to help women leave their spiritual legacies.  I found Sue to be a woman who loves her family more than she loves the limelight of recognition (which is hard to do).  She is the mother of 4 sons and her stories of mothering are much different than mine as the mother of 3 daughters.  At her speaker table she was selling “A Red Plate” which I asked her about .  Her family has a special tradition of making family members feel honored by using “The Red Plate” which proclaims that the person who receives this place setting is SPECIAL!   I hope you will enjoy meeting my new friend Sue…

 

“My twenty-three year old son came home last week for spring break.  He was ready for relaxation and respite from his grueling schedule as a first year medical student. When he came in the door of our home, I had already set the table for dinner. A big grin spread across his face when he spotted our red “You are Special Plate” placed at his usual spot.  I had chosen to “honor” Seth by giving him the plate at his place at the table.

Even after using the “You are Special Plate” for over 10 years, our sons have never tired of the special recognition it gives them.  I store my plate with my everyday dishes and use it at least once a week. Our family has used the plate to honor good grades, new skills learned, great attitudes, jobs, promotions, college acceptance, birthdays, anniversaries, special guests and when a family member needs to feel extra special after a rough day. Honoring a family member with the “You Are Special Plate” is a simple tradition that has provided a positive impact on our entire family. It is a ritual that our sons plan to carry on into the next generation.”

Today, as our family celebrated Laryssa’s birthday, this concept of a special plate was mentioned.  One of our daughters mentioned that she always wished that we would have had a special plate to celebrate events in our family’s lives.  I wish I had learned about “The Red Plate” years ago.  But it is not too late for your family, you can learn more about Sue and order “The Red Plate” at her website http://www.sueheimer.com/. 

Many blessings to Sue as she continues on her journey as a wife, mother and Christian Speaker.

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Today’s MOPS Devotions ~ A Mother’s Treasures

Today at MOPS, our Moms had a “Trash to Treasures” swap.  There were baby clothes and toys in all shapes and sizes.   Although, I did not have any little ones to grab things for – it was fun for me to pick out a few items for some new babies (I picked out the sweetest pink Easter dress for a new baby girl, Zoe  born in January 🙂 ).  It was unbelievable how much stuff there was (the left overs went home with a MOPS Moms who is planning a garage sale to raise money for an adoption). 

My devotions today were also themed “Trash to Treasures” and were based on Matthew 6:19 & 21.

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”   Matthew 6:19-21

  I actually wrote about this theme on my July 10th post titled “As a Mother of Young Children – Lay up Treasures in Heaven .  After, I got home this afternoon, I read a blog by one of our  MOPS Mom titled “Pondering Treasures”– in which she writes about processing her thoughts on the concept of real treasures.  Paula is always insightful, so I encourage you to read “Pondering Treasures”  – you will be blessed.

I ended today’s devotion with this story on Dara Torres who won 3 Silver Medals for swiming in the 2008 Beijing Olympics.  She was on the cover of the USA Weekend September 26-28, 2008 (yes I saved this cover just for this devotion). 

On the cover it shows Dara with her medals saying… ” I  just won these Olympic Medals, but my greatest treasure is …. my daughter Tessa”. 

 

 

Her statement shows that she realizes that someday her Olympic Medals will just be trinkets, but the relationship she is building with her 2 1/2 year old daughter has the opportunity to last forever.

And that is the theme of the “Treasure Devotion’  – of all we do as Moms (the never-ending jobs of laundry, meals, clean up, discipline and more), our most important treasures are the relationships we have with our loved ones.  These relationships are the only things we can actually take with us to heaven.  Although, I do not know anything about Dara Torres other than she won 3 Olympic Medals; I know that she is absolutely right about her greatest treasure.

So, today take time to build those relationships with your children, your husband, your loved ones.  Paula writes … “Think about the treasures you can take with you after you die…..time spent with your husband and children, connecting with friends, investing in making a difference in someone else’s life, a word of encouragement, a helping hand…..these are treasures that can’t be kept in any treasury, but will stay with you through eternity”.

May you be encouraged today to lay up your treasures in Heaven where nothing is destroyed!

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Just had to share…

I know that I have quite a number of things to do today.  Already I have been to MOPS and our meeting was outstanding!  Our new mentor, Susan Reichart spoke today on Disciplining Your Children and she did an outstanding job.  I was her biggest cheerleader in the audience – continually shaking my head and wanting to stand up to cheer her on throughout her talk.  Her passion for raising a Christian Family is exciting and she communicated it very well.

I just had to share this blog written about my youngest daughter and her friends by a Godly couple who have invested in their lives.  Thank you Chad and Alison for spending time with our kids every Tuesday evening.  Please read  Alison’s Blog here http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/alisonagnew/.  How thankful I am for Christian mentors in the lives of my daughters.

Now I really do have a lot to get done…..

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Ask a Mentor about when/how to start teaching your child about Jesus

Q. My son is 2 1/2 and I don’t know when to really start talking to him about Bible stories or do little devos with him or how to even start. I know I want to and I probably could start soon if not now, I just don’t how.  

 A. I loved your question.  I especially appreciated the heart you have for teaching your little guy about the Lord.  Deuteronomy 6:4-9 tells us that we should impress the teachings of God on our children as we sit at home, walk along the road (or in our case drive), when we lie down and when get up.  Basically all day!!  As a a Mom, I am sure that you are already doing this by praying before meals or bedtime, teaching him how to share and love others, by reading special toddler Bible books and just helping him see God’s creation (snow, birds, sunshine and such).  There are excellent books and DVDs in many church’s libraries that can help you .   Make it just a normal part of your day – always explaining that just as he is called to obey you, you are called to obey God.  God put you (his Mom) in charge of him, to teach him about God and how to live.  Passing on your faith is something that we as parents talk about as well as model — so being involved in church each week is also important.   

“Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one.  Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.  These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts.  Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.  Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates. ”  Deuteronomy 6:4-9  

 Here are several suggestions for Bibles for Children.  These and many other choices were found at http://www.christianbook.com/Christian/Books/home?event=AFF&p=1139881 and searching for Children’s Bibles or Toddlers Bibles.  

The Beginner’s Bible: Timeless Children’s Stories by Zondervan   Toddler Bible (Ages 2 to 4): A Read Together Book   By: Laura Derico

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My Toddler Bible  By: Bethany James

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Instant Bible Lessons for Toddlers: Growing Up for God  By: Mary J. Davis

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Prayers for the next generation…

On Friday evening, Bill and I hosted 7 couples for dinner and prayer.  This group consisted of  women who had been part of the Mentor training group that I had hosted for awhile and of course their husbands ~and one of our Pastors and his wife joined us too. It was a fun group…

 Our invitation read … “Bill and I want to continue to encourage you as you raise your family.  God has been so gracious to our family by drawing our daughters to Himself — we do not take credit for this and believe that it has totally been the work of Holy Spirit in their lives.  But it has been a wonderful blessing to both of us to see how God has worked in the life of our family.    Our desire is to support  you while you are in the midst of parenting by inviting you to spend an evening enjoying dinner with each other, talking and hopefully spending some time in prayer together.  Nothing formal – just spending time together and praying for our families.”

And so that is what we did that evening… we enjoyed a meal of Mexican Stack-ups (everyone brought part of the dinner) and some wonderful desserts.  As we shared coffee and our prayer requests, it occurred to me that represented in that room were 21 children (including ours) and that if each of those children followed the Lord all of their lives – what an impact that would have on the Kingdom.  As Bill prayed that evening, he prayed that each of our  children would be drawn by the Lord to a saving relationship and serve Him all of their lives.

Prayers for the next generation – prayers that the parents will be faithful to continue on in the middle of their parenting, prayers for sweet children who are already facing decisions about who and what they are going to believe.  It takes so little to invest in families – open your home, make some food and allow them to share their lives.  And then pray – pray for the strength to continue parenting when some days seem so long and the results aren’t seen right away. 

“Tell it to your children, and let your children tell it to their children, and their children to the next generation. ” Joel 1:3

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