Wishing I could fix it all ….

Last week at 6:30 in the morning, we received word that our oldest daughter had just been in an accident.  It had been raining and she was on her way to work at her latest medical clinical rotation - the last 2 years she has been in graduate school working on her Masters as a Physician Assistant.  Her car hit some water and hydroplaned, spun out of control, crossed 3 lanes of traffic, bounced off of the guard rail and came to a stop.  She was physically okay (other than a slight concussion), but her little Ford Focus (which she loved) was totaled.  Needless to say, we were so thankful that she was not injured more seriously.

But this accident has come at such a hard time for my husband and I - we are in the midst of working through some major financial issues and really are not able to handle the whole ”buying a car issue”.  It is easy to wonder about God’s timing in all of this.

I struggle with all the statements people make of how God was really with her (which He was) and aren’t I thankful that it was only the car that was hurt (which I am).  I struggle, because I know that somewhere (maybe on that same day) there are parents who love the Lord and trust Him, whose child perhaps was not spared in a car accident.  It is hard to know how to how to express thanksgiving and frustration at the same time while I know that God’s sovereign plan is at work for those He loves.  Yet, I admit that I wonder what God is doing and how any of this works together for good, His or ours.

As a Mother, I do not want my daughters to have to experience hardships and pain; yet I know that that is how their they and their faith will grow.  When Alycia (our oldest) was in 6 grade, I remember her coming home with a sad face and heart, because ”everyone” else in her class had scrunchies to wear in their hair and around their wrist and she did not.  That was easy to deal with, we went out that night and bought a multitude of scrunchies to solve the problem.  The next day she went off to school with one in her hair, probably one on her wrist and several in her backpack. She and I often remember (with smiles) how easily this problem was solved.  And then I usually express to her that I wish solving her problems now would be as easy as buying scrunchies. Presently, I wish I could replace her cute little car and take away the hardships of the past 2 years of intense grad school training.  But I can’t fix any of it for her.  I can pray, trust and allow God to the work He needs to do in her life (even if it might mean driving around an old mini van for the summer).

Is that what God is doing with me now - not fixing it because He needs and wants my faith to grow to a deeper, more mature trust?   Am I learning - most times I wonder…..

This past weekend, Alycia finally asked me if I was going to blog about her accident and my response was, probably.  I just really have not been sure how to deal with it all, let alone write about it all.  My overall response is one of thanksgiving that she was not hurt in any way - I will admit to frustration that we now need to deal with getting another car at a time that is not convenient - and even beyond that I admit to being weary of not being able to just fix all of it.  And my heart breaks for the families who did not receive the same good news as we did.

God is in control - He would still be in control if the circumstances had been different.  He is God - I am not and He ultimately sees the beginnning and the end - He knows what will bring Him glory and will make me more like Him.  If you are interested in reading a really good blog that expresses some of what I am thinking about all of this - go to http://stufffchristianslike.blogspot.com/2008/05/195-believing-bad-times-equals-bad-us.html.

 

God is in control - He would still be in control if the circumstances had been different.  He is God - I am not and He ultimately sees the beginnning and the end - He knows what will bring Him glory and will make me more like Him.  So I continue on … walking this journey by faith in the God who loves me.