Year ago, I read a book entitled Joy in the Journey by Guy Douds (no longer in print, but available from Amazon used). I have never forgotten a portion of his writing as the words written I could completely identify with … He identifies himself this way …
“I definitely am a feeler – an extreme feeler. I cry hysterically over sentimental television commercials… The commercials that really do me in are Hallmark greeting card commercials. They usually go right for the heart and I’m a basket case after experiencing their overt sentimentality.” page 88 & 91
Reading his acknowledgement that he was an extreme feeler helped me understand that gift in my life. I always knew that I felt things much more deeply than most and that people appreciated that about me. I can get to the heart of how people are feeling and usually help them to understand their own emotions. This has been both a gift and a curse. A gift because I experience and understand someone’s pain and can walk along side them. A curse because I feel my own emotions so intensely that often I am overwhelmed by my own emotions.
Continually, as I have been a MOPS Mentor and have also been involved in my family and friend’s lives – I find that most of us are in such emotional pain. Some are better at hiding it, but most are hopelessly hurting. After my daughter and I did the angry mother – hurting daughter devotion (see my blog entry January 10), I had many MOPS Moms needing to talk. In the last month, I have heard painful stories of broken relationships, illnesses, wayward children, death and of course my own story of financial brokeness. Sometimes it seems more than I can handle.
But right there is the problem – I am not suppose to handle any of this on my own, not even my own problems. No where has God written that I am responsible for all problems, even my own. Instead He continually asks me to let go of everything and surrender to Him. Guy Doud expresses it this way…
“Letting go means lightening our loads and abandoning all the excess baggage of the past, especially the bags with the tags marked guilt, shame, bitterness and unforgiveness. Letting go means praying, “Thy will be done, ” and meaning it. Letting go, we surrender our need for control. Letting go means we can accept ourselves because of what Christ has done – made us “saints”. Letting go means we are free to be ourselves … it means that we can strip off our masks, quit playing games, and die to the survival roles we’ve played since childhood. Letting go means we are free to love and be loved unconditionally. We no longer need to keep score. Letting go means letting God.” Joy in the Journey, page 95 & 96
Last evening I met with the group of young women that I have worked with to become mentors and we talked about hurting people. I also shared very honestly with them of the brokenness that my husband and I are going through. As I sat there with tears running down my life – they surrounded me with prayer. I had inteneded to drop this group because I did not feel competent to lead it and yet they assured me they still felt called to be there (they had actually asked to meet again). They extended Grace to me – what great joy in my journey to experience the grace they offered.
The real hope for hurting people is our Savior’s GRACE – letting go of our hopes and hurts and allowing the everlasting love and grace of our Lord to lead us in our journey, each step of the way.
Yes, I feel everything very intensely and with such passion – but what I want to feel the most is my Savior’s Grace for me.
“When we come to grips with the full measure of God’s love for us and accept it through faith, it is then that those big, empty holes get filled up. God’s love is sufficient. It is all we need.” Joy in the Journey, page 93
